“…you’re old enough to dance the night away,”

This past weekend, I finally wore my Hula Oola tank top from Beep Boop Beep Clothing while out shopping with my parents and my dad was puzzled by what was on my shirt. “Is that from a cartoon or something?” Silly Dad, she’s from Return of the Jedi! My mom, I think, sorta knew it was from Star Wars, at least. My mom decided to post a picture of my tank top on Facebook asking if anyone knew who was on it for our amusement. Most people did not know, except for a few fellow huge Star Wars fans who came into the conversation after I gave up and revealed the answer. Look at how cool my top is:

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I love my Oola top; I love the Hula girl twist and this tank is so incredibly soft and comfy.

Why did I bother getting something with a character who is killed so shortly after her introduction, you ask? I’ve always liked her. I think part of it is my general affinity for the alien species in the Star Wars universe. As you know, I love Ahsoka Tano, so Torgruta’s are my favorite, and I would say Twi’leks are next because stylistically, they’re just so cool looking. They’re very similar to humans but different enough that you know when you first see them that they’re certainly not humans. I love their colors, like how Aayla Secura is a bold blue, while the other Twi’lek in Jabba’s Palace is a very light blue.

The other part of my fondness of Oola is honestly…I feel bad for the poor girl. As far as we can see in the film, she’s in chains in a sexy, very revealing outfit and dances for Jabba (at the very least. I don’t even want to think of what else she may have had to do). How did she get here? Maybe she was an aspiring dancer, dancing in clubs, and some minion from Jabba’s Palace saw her and knew that his creepy boss would be particularly fond of her. I doubt Jabba found her himself, seeing as how inefficiently he moves around. Maybe life on Tatooine is rough, and maybe, like Luke Skywalker, she wasn’t meant for a life of mediocrity on a moisture farm. Maybe she wanted to dance and even sing for millions in a city more like the ones we have seen on Courouscant. Maybe she thought working at Jabba’s Palace was simply a step on the ladder. Most importantly, I don’t think it was made clear to her that she would be some sort of slave, literally in chains. I do, unfortunately, think this was a common thing for Jabba, however. Giant, slimey, slug pervert must always be near a beautiful, scantily clad woman. I have to go back and see, but I feel like in the Clone Wars movie and show he wasn’t really doing that, maybe because he had his gross little son to watch over. Who was the mother?! We don’t know! Where did this stinky little son go?! Maybe he died and then Jabba went crazy with a creepy, disgusting bachelor life! Anyway, this isn’t about Jabba, it’s about the tragedy of Oola. The only time she looks happy in Return of the Jedi is when she’s dancing while the Max Rebo Band performs. But even then, she just looks like she feels numb when it’s all over. Then Jabba has to pull her chains for a closer look and she’s had enough. Probably more than just a closer look, as he licks his lips. This wasn’t what she signed up for. It would appear that she’s been molested and used by Jabba for one too many times and is finally taking a stand by pulling back on her chains. Or, perhaps she hadn’t even been at the palace too long and was disgusted at the first advance Jabba made, but I highly doubt it. Sadly, I think she had been abused for a while. I just feel bad because I know this isn’t what she thought her life would become, some sort of dancing-sex-slave in chains. She was young and naïve and had to be tricked into this life. When she resists Jabba, he sends her to her inevitable death by the Rancor. Which is cruel, insane, and just plain messed up on so many levels. And she doesn’t know what to do! How could she? I’m going to guess that she was around 20 years old, probably from a poor family, and she had to have been lacking a lengthy repertoire to get a normal, steady job to support her aspirations, let alone any skills to defend herself.

Poor Oola…

Before the prequels, I feel like the character of Oola and the blue Twi’lek that sings in Jabba’s Palace give at least the mild impression that Twi’leks were somewhat of an oppressed race. Not a lower species in any way, but sadly, treated as such. With that impression in mind, it’s cool to watch the prequels and see Aayla Secura and know that Twi’leks could be force sensitive and badass. I don’t know about you, but I like that part of the prequels, seeing all of the other Jedi and the species they were, because in the originals all we see are humans and Yoda. Not that that isn’t enough, but it’s simply fun to see.

Oh, and I can’t forget Hera, the amazing pilot from Star Wars Rebels!

 

One more thing…I have to admit that I’ve never read any of the Expanded Universe/Legends stories, so forgive me if there’s already an Oola backstory out there. The only Star Wars books I read when I was kid were the novelizations of the movies, because that was all I needed at the time. The movies were actually enough for me, I didn’t crave anything more, like I do now. Plus, from the little I know about the Expanded Universe/Legends, I’m not terribly fond of the things that have happened and I enjoy that Lucasfilm denounced its’ canon before Disney bought them, so now I don’t feel bad for not having any interest in them. I’m excited for all of the new books, like Claudia Gray’s Lost Stars and Bloodline, which are just waiting for me on my bookshelf. I’m also super excited about the new Ahsoka Tano novel that will debut this October, but also actually quite sad and angry that I didn’t write it.

 

“Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo,”

Evidently today is Star Wars Prequel Appreciation Day! I did not know this day existed until yesterday, but I’m all for it. And if you’re one of those people that are like this one awkward dude who yelled at me in a pizza place “THOSE DON’T COUNT” amidst what I thought was a private conversation between my mother, a friend, and I, I kindly ask you to reconsider. And I only feel like I could even bother asking because…I used to be like that. When the prequels first came out, I enjoyed them. Then, over time in middle school and high school, without any more viewings, I decided that they sucked and I hated them (except for Revenge of the Sith). Then, sometime in my first few years of community college, I found myself completely alone for a week, with no work and nobody to hang out with. So I decided to watch all of the Star Wars films in episodic order, the way I heard George Lucas intended them to be seen. It was actually something I always wanted to do since they were all released, but I never got around to it. And no, I didn’t squeeze them all in a day; I watched them all in a week. Anyway, in that time, I decided that I liked them. They weren’t perfect, but I appreciated them. If I can change my tune, you might be able to as well!!

So, anyway, let’s get to appreciating!!

First of all, I have to refer to another website and their lovely fashion finds:

The Kessel Runway: Prequel Appreciation Day

On there, please enjoy some awesome Darth Maul shirts, Queen Amidala/Senator Padme shirts, and even Senator-on-the-romantic-Naboo-lake Padme-inspired leggings along with some Ahsoka Tano apparel (because the Clone Wars series is just another giant prequel, really).

While Ahsoka is hands-down my favorite character of the prequel time period, Padme is my favorite character from the trilogy. I have a new respect for her and I’ve written about that before. Let’s look at my Padme collection:

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And, my latest Star Wars items, my Tsum Tsum’s that keep my car company:

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And I have this print of the beautiful artwork of Sam Skyler:

Queen Amidala Art Print

Sadly, that’s all for now. When I was just a youngling, I had an action figure of Padme in her baggy-but-cute-Queen-in-hiding look. I miss it, it was so cute!

And, while I’ve talked about her glorious fashion before, let’s just look at it again:

multiple padme

She’s even fabulous when she’s pretending to be a handmaiden:

Yet, I still need more Padme stuff in my life. Like those shirts I mentioned earlier!! They’re a start!!

And…I must remind you that my favorite Star Wars villain is Darth Maul, another awesome thing to come out of the prequels. Look again at my beautiful mug of his scary face:

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Okay, just one last thing…again…I just adore this dress she wore by the lake on Naboo:

I need it…okay, that’s all for now!!

 

“There’s been an awakening…have you felt it?”

Evidently, so have like a billion others…

It’s been less than the two weeks that the beautiful Force Awakens by Her Universe collection came out at Hot Topic, and the Rey cardigan I’ve been wanting to buy is already sold out online. Yes, it was only a few days ago that I was talking about this. I was just waiting because the collection was excluded from all of the sales, and I was trying to be financially responsible….I have learned my lesson. Screw that, buy what you want right away!!! Or else you’ll end up like me….without this beautiful Rey cardigan:

Alas, there could still be some in stores, but I haven’t been able to go check one out yet because I don’t have any around that are easily accessible.

Oh, speaking of Star Wars…HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!! MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!!

But guys…you have to know by now. Every day of my life is Star Wars day. But still, I can’t just not celebrate this day. Feeling in a Star Wars mood? Well, here are all of my Star Wars related posts:

“-that’s my jacket…no keep it, it suits you!”

“Old friends/Bookends”

“We could be heroes…”

“I’ve just seen a face, I can’t forget the time or place where we just met”

Mugshot Monday #8

“These eyes…”

“I won’t leave you…not this time,”

“You’re just too good be true, can’t take my eyes off of you,”

“You’re stuck with me, Skyguy,”

“You got a boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?”

“Let’s dance while color lights up your face”

“Rebel, rebel, how could they know? Hot tramp, I love you so”

“I’m a space indvader, I’ll be a rock ‘n’ rollin’ bitch for you”

“This One Goes Out to the One I Love”

“Welcome to My Life, Tattoo,”

“We are the Goon Squad and we’re coming to town, beep beep!”

“I call it a bargain, the best I ever had”

“Hey babe, your hair’s alright. Hey babe, let’s go out tonight”

“Chewie, We’re Home”

“She’s a Rebel”

“She was very beautiful. Kind, but…sad.”

“I am a Jedi, like my father before me,”

“Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is”

Mugshot Monday #5

 

I think that’s mostly it? I know I’m missing something….to make up for it, let me just reflect on The Force Awakens once more, especially now that I’ve watched it over 10 times. I’m still in love with it. It still makes me so happy, makes me laugh….I even tear up and get chills. Sometimes it’s just the tears, but sometimes it’s accompanied by the chills…when Rey says she didn’t know there was so much green in the whole galaxy, I tear because it’s so sad yet so lovely. Daisy Ridley is just perfection. I get both tears and chills when Anakin and Luke’s lightsaber is sitting there in the snow, and it just whips past Kylo straight into Rey’s hand. It gave me chills in the theater when it first happened, and it still does. It’s just so beautiful and awesome. It’s still, in all of my years of watching Star Wars, is my favorite lightsaber duel. Actually, it’s the first that’s ever captivated me…when I was younger, I always just loved the characters and the stories, I never cared about the action. I’m happy that this movie has actually made me enjoy that sort of thing. The only thing I could possibly not be in love with about it is how easily Captain Phasma gives in to disabling the shields…but like, she must have been freaked out by the presence of the only stormtrooper to quit on her being accompanied by a wookie and the galaxy’s most famous smuggler/war hero, right? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

It’s midnight for me, and I have to work all day, but hopefully this won’t be the only thing I post today.

STAR WARS!!!!!!

 

 

“-that’s my jacket…no keep it, it suits you!”

In between watching The Force Awakens, I watched my Return of the Jedi blu ray with the commentary on, and Carrie Fisher commented on a matter I have thinking about recently. While on the bridge in the Ewok village, Carrie notices how her onscreen beau is always wearing the same outfit. Sure, maybe a color is different here and there, but it’s the same basic ensemble of a light shirt (open slightly for sexiness), side-patterned pants, boots, and a cool jacket or vest. She then noted “I get three outfits, while my mother, Natalie Portman, gets 3 million outfits. Poor Harrison only gets one,”. I had recently thought to myself that while it’s awesome that Padme is so damn fashionable, it’s unfortunate that Leia didn’t get to have as many outfits as her mother. Sure, maybe it was a budget thing, but I like knowing that Carrie Fisher definitely took notice of this inequality. She didn’t sound genuinely bitter, but I’m sure she’s just ever so slightly jealous that she didn’t get to have as many wardrobe changes. But then again…so many elaborate outfits and hairstyles to match- that must have a pain or at the very least a bore for Natalie Portman to have the hair and make up team work on so much every day…unless she wore wigs for part of the time, like it was briefly revealed in an episode of the Clone Wars one time…which, admittedly, was a bit disappointing, but it makes sense that in reality, a senator would have to manage her time well in order to take care of her people and still look royally fabulous.

I’ve talked about beautiful Star Wars fashion before but this time, let’s just take a look at Her Universe’s new Star Wars: The Force Awakens line for Hot Topic and how I truly need every single piece:

Why are these the only things not on sale for 25% on the website right now?! Only thing is that the dresses seem just slightly fancy, I don’t know where I would wear them. The BB-8 dress is so darling, perfect for a party…but what party?! SOMEBODY THROW A PARTY AND INVITE ME SO I CAN WEAR THIS DRESS! And the stormtrooper and Kylo Ren dresses…I adore those, and I usually don’t even go for Dark Side when it comes to my Star Wars apparel. But I need these…I could absolutely wear these all to conventions. I would wear them in every day life if I could, but most days I have to be in my work uniform. Sure, I could just go out all the time, but I don’t really do that…but I guess I’ll have to start going out more to rock these dresses?! Where would you lovely readers rock these dresses? The Rey cardigan…I could wear that every day and even while cosplaying as Rey. And I would wear the Captain Phasma and Finn jackets all the freaking time. I already love leather jackets, so that already fits in my everyday wear. And you can’t see in these pictures, but if you go Hot Topic’s website you can see the Captain Phasma leggings they paired with Phasma’s jacket alone, and I need those as well. Who says leggings can’t be pants sometimes?! Haters, that’s who.

Anyway, continuing to ride the Star Wars fashion train, a friend of mine recently requested pictures of all my Star Wars apparel for her entertainment. How could I say no?! I thought that perhaps, others would enjoy seeing my collection (so far) as well, so here it is:

Okay, so here are the few I have blogged about previously:

Ahsoka tee, Yoda tank, tie dye Star Wars top and stormtrooper earrings, and my R2-D2 sweater. All by Her Universe except the tie dye top.

And here is most (not all, I realized I forgot at least 3 afterwards) of my Star Wars apparel:

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Most of that is Her Universe, because Ahsley Eckstein is the best!!

Oh, and you’ve already seen my Star Wars Christmas sweater 😉

I’m waiting on the arrival of this Hutt-Slayer Leia tank from BeepBoopBeepClothing. I’m already in love with the Oola one I have.

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OH, and this other R2-D2 dress I have by Her Universe:

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Not pictured: pajamas, socks, nightshirts, etc.

Also, while we’re on the topic of fashion, if anyone out there is looking for some deals on cute clothes, check out my closet on Poshmark! And if you’re a member of Poshmark, follow me and I’ll follow you back! I actually got my Rogue Squadron Her Universe dress the day I signed up, which to me, was a sign that this Poshmark thing would be a good endeavor. So if you’re looking to sell clothes and also get good deals (and possibly even acquire some hard finds), you should totally sign up for it. I have sold a lot of my clothes on eBay but recently they started charging me for every listing, which they previously hadn’t done before except maybe once; when I realized they were charging me, I waited until I could do the listings for free again. But for now, I’m trying to get rid most of my unwanted/ill-fitting but still in fabulous conditions clothes on Poshmark to make a little cash. You don’t get the full amount you charge, but I’d rather take that deal than a listing fee AND final sale fee on eBay. Plus, I think more ladies check out Poshmark for clothes than they do eBay…at least if they’re aware of Poshmark’s existence? Which I wasn’t until recently…but still! It’s worth it so far.

“Old friends/Bookends”

One of my favorite artists I’ve discovered online has done it again…made beautiful Star Wars art again, that is. And this time, Lorna-ka is tugging at my heartstrings.

Broken Promises - B&W version Art Print

Ahsoka and Vader…this one is beautiful and tragic. Leading up to the season 2 finale, seeing tiny previews of the long-anticipated duel between the former padawan and master duo instantly reminded me of the episodes of Clone Wars where Ahsoka was accused of treasonous acts towards the Jedi Order, and she ran away. Stupid jerkface (but she actually has a really cool design but that doesn’t matter) Barriss Offee framed the crap out of my darling Ahsoka, and pretty much everyone but Anakin and Obi-Wan believed that Ahsoka was guilty of bombing the Jedi Temple. Suddenly, the Jedi Order’s most devoted and capable Padawan was treated like a common criminal from the streets. Anakin was trying to talk to her, but with everyone else after her, she didn’t feel safe even talking to her master. This is when he told her he would never let anyone hurt her. I do love this moment, just because you see how much Anakin truly loves his Padawan. He believes in her and even tracks down the truth while she is on trial. Once he was able to prove her innocence, it was too late. The damage was done. And Ahsoka decided not to accept her invitation back to the Jedi Order. She walked away, and this definitely broke Anakin’s heart.

Fast forward some 20 years later, and Ahsoka’s beloved master Anakin Skywalker has become the villainous Darth Vader. For me, his promise to her is heartbreaking to think about knowing that they duel and he tries to kill her. Pairing Anakin’s quote with the picture of his grown up padawan and his turned, evil self summarizes their relationship.

But wait! Lorna-ka did a version in color without Anakin’s promise, and it’s still heartbreaking:

Broken Promises Art Print

For me, just because her stream of tears is ever so slightly more prominent in color, it still takes me back to their Clone Wars days and makes me cry along with Ahsoka.

But wait…Ahsoka isn’t our only heartbroken Clone Wars alumni!

Left Behind Art Print

Poor Rex…yes, this reflection of the good ole’ days is sad because Rex thinks these two old friends are dead…but Ahsoka and Anakin both look so adorable here…I just love this.

 

 

“We could be heroes…”

I’m still not totally over the Rebels Season 2 finale…what happened to my Ahsoka?! I personally subscribe to this little theory that Ashley Eckstein herself even considers. It’s the only one that brings me peace. Honestly, before this past season started, I had a reasonable fear that Ahsoka was going to die; after all, that’s the only way to justify her character not being in the movies (aside from our society’s tragic lack of time travel technology). But I was sincerely hoping she would last longer than she did; couldn’t they have waited until the series was nearing its’ end?! No, because I know that it’s supposed to focus on our main group of rebels: Ezra, Kanan, Hera, Sabine, and Zeb. And yeah, that’s pretty fair, I guess. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants an Ahsoka show! But anyway, the day after the finale, Ashley Eckstein’s beautiful nerdy girl clothing brand Her Universe released a beautiful shirt designed by the creator of Ahsoka himself: Dave Filoni.

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Naturally, this sold out the same day it was released. I foolishly waited until the evening to place my order and missed out on the first batch, but luckily I wasn’t the only one; there was a huge demand for the shirt so a few days later, you were able to pre-order it for the next batch. Now I have it, and it’s no longer on the Her Universe website. I love it so much. Super cute, even though it’s actually a unisex fit (everybody loves Ahsoka), and so soft.

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Ignore my stupid face and admire my beautiful shirt!!

OH! Speaking of Ahsoka…on Twitter I follow just a few other major Ahsoka fans, and one of them tweeted about how Dave Filoni had an idea for these “Ahsoka Loyalist” clone troopers that would have existed had the series not been cancelled. I need this mere concept drawing on a t-shirt ASAP. LOOK AT IT:

Ahsoka Loyalist Troopers

I’m in love. It’s perfect. I researched it myself to verify its’ authenticity and discovered this awesome, super detailed summary about the Untold Clone Wars Panel that Dave Filoni and Pablo Hidalgo spoke at during last year’s Star Wars Celebration. I also then looked it up on YouTube and was watching it for a while, but I had to stop because they were talking about Asaaj Ventress’ last episode concept, which happens to be the inspiration for a book I’m reading right now that my boyfriend bought for me called The Dark Disciple. He saw that it said “based on unproduced epsiodes of the Clone Wars” on the bottom and immediately thought of me. And it’s awesome, I love it so far. I had to stop the video, just in case they went on to explain the whole story (the unfished clip they showed already was precisely like one of the events early on in the book). That, and it was time for bed. And it’s actually that time again…

But…one last thought: I’ve loved Star Wars my entire life, but was never particularly fond of stormtroopers. For me, Attack of the Clones and the Clone Wars series make the Clone Troopers significantly more interesting, and even cooler looking. And in The Force Awakens, I love the design of the First Order troopers better than the original stormtroopers. And then there’s that moment with FN-2187. The first moment we see the humanity of the stormtroopers in these films (again, clone troopers not included; they’re their own breed of troopers). The bloody hand that marks Finn’s epiphany is one of my favorite moments in Star Wars history, despite my personal history of fainting at both the sight of and the mere thought of blood. Evidently I can handle it if it’s a subtle, yet incredibly bold remnant of destruction in my favorite space fairy tale. I just want t-shirts galore of Finn’s bloody helmet and Ahsoka’s Loyalist troopers’ helmets…and only those helmets…I already have this beautiful splatter artwork of that iconic, bloodied helmet by the wonderful Spooksieboo:

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Yup, still have to hang that…alas, I’m still working on the overall arrangement of my art collection. I can’t wait to show you whenever it’s all up on my walls!

 

“I’ve just seen a face, I can’t forget the time or place where we just met”

Or two, or three, or…okay. I finally watched The Force Awakens in my own home the other night, and it was glorious. I still got chills, was still in awe, still in love. It’s an absolutely phenomenal film. I could go on for days about how fantastic it is, but perhaps I’ll save that for another day.

I’m just in love with everyone in the movie.

Even Kylo Ren and General Hux!

Oh Kylo. When you remove that helmet and reveal your black lion mane, I swoon. This gif isn’t the best quality so I  suggest you just watch this scene, and you’ll know what I mean.

kylo ren removing helmet

When this movie initially came out, I heard a lot of people complain that (SPOILER) he could not possibly be the son of Leia and Han Solo, that he wasn’t handsome enough to be their offspring.

But have those people seen this?!

sexy villians

Look at that face and somehow tell me it’s anything less than exquisite. I truly see a resemblance to Harrison Ford in this picture.

He’s sexy like his grandpa.

sexy vader

Oh my goodness, I’m having flashbacks to when I was madly in love with him in middle school. Part of that will clearly never go away.

I am also just lightly attracted to General Hux….

general hux
Star Wars: The Force Awakens General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) Ph: David James ©Lucasfilm 2015

It might just be his red hair…and that the last thing I saw Domhnall Gleeson in before this, he looked like this:

ex machina domhnall gleeson

I thought he was adorable in Ex Machina, another excellent movie!! You know who else was in Ex Machina? The beautiful Oscar Isaac, that’s who.

oscar isaac is poe dameron

Poe

hey girl need a co pilot Poe

YES, POE. I SURE DO.

I love Poe the most, but everyone is beautiful and talented and awesome in this movie. John Boyega is adorable and Daisy Ridley is just…she’s the best. She’s my idol. Rey is strong, beautiful, charming, and seriously just the coolest.

Speaking of Star Wars crushes…I can’t neglect my original love.

luke pilot

I was just expressing my adoration very recently, and he is still being awesome.

  1. On Twitter, he favorited one of my tweets!! Granted, it was a retweet of his own, but still!!
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(I know it’s really small, but in my profile picture I’m wearing my Princess Leia costume!!)
2. He talked about another 1960’s band again. He referenced one of my favorite songs of all time, “All Day and All of the Night” by the Kinks:
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I love him.

 

 

 

 

Mugshot Monday #8

THE FORCE AWAKENS COMES OUT ON BLURAY AND DVD TOMORROW!!! I will finally be able to view it in my home, to hold it in my hands!!

Oh, speaking of The Force Awakens, take a look at my latest Disney Store snag:

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My Itty Bitty Rey tried to gather warmth by standing by my BB-8 mug this morning.

This BB-8 sculptural just might be the coolest one I own now! And I didn’t even think I would ever have it. I first saw it back in November when a plethora of TFA merchandise was released at many retailers. It quickly sold out on the official Disney Store website, but I remember walking by it fin stores at least once. I don’t know, I just assumed that they would keep making this beautiful mug and I would have nothing to worry about! Of course, I was quite wrong; after those first few sightings online and in the store, I never saw it again…that is, until last weekend when my mom and I were at an outlet mall. She needed something from the Old Navy there, and I didn’t technically need anything from the Disney Store but since we were there, I just wanted to check it out. And I’m so glad I did; I found this little guy all alone, no other BB-8 mugs in sight, just some stormtrooper mugs, and instantly grabbed him. When I went to check out, the cashier informed me that she just brought that mug out of hiding the night before, saying it was time for a good home. As a fellow retail worker, I interpreted this to mean somebody returned this glorious mug (for some crazy, unknown reason) and they had just gotten the chance to put it back out on the floor. It was meant to be.

“These eyes…”

I still can’t stop thinking about the Star Wars Rebels season 2 finale, guys…while it was tragic, I can’t lie about being excited about the new journey Kanan is going to endure being a blind Jedi.

Then, I let the shallow part of myself react, and realized that we will no longer see Kanan’s sexy eyes…alas, the art of Lorna-Ka will help us all remember Kanan’s beautiful eyes:

SWR Kanan  Art Print

That smolder. I bet he’s not even trying.

“I won’t leave you…not this time,”

Oh. My. GOODNESS! Is anyone else still recovering from the Star Wars Rebels season 2 finale?! I know there has to be some of you out there; I noticed many tweets and comments on Instagram expressing the same feelings I was, freaking out about what happened to our dear Ahsoka Tano.

SPOILERS!

I thought I was being crazy, having been ridden with anxiety all night while I was at trivia with my friends, knowing that this intense episode was happening and I couldn’t see it. But then, looking at the reactions of other Ahsoka fans, I wasn’t alone.

Is she dead? She can’t be…we saw her still standing after her long awaited duel with her former master, Darth Vader. I’m watching that part again right now and I’m getting so emotional…it is absolutely this exchange that does it for me:

when Ahsoka broke through the helmet

Ahsoka hearing her master

When Darth Vader turned around with less than half of his face revealed, I got chills. And when Ahsoka looks at him in that moment, I almost cry. Okay, perhaps I did cry…

Part of me has been embarrassed, feeling like an emotional wreck while out with my friends when I didn’t even know what was happening on this animated television series. But again, I’ve learned I’m not the only one. Ahsoka means a lot to her fans. We adore her. We were scared about what was going to happen to her. I believe in my heart she made it out alive, but that ending was a bit ambiguous to say that she absolutely survived, and I think Dave Filoni left it that way so that the show could focus back on the original Rebels gang for a while. Which is quite understandable, but being the huge Ahsoka fan I am, I’m sad that she won’t be a part of the show for who knows (besides Filoni) how long.

I think I got even more emotional watching the episode because, prior to this season, I honestly did not consider that Ahsoka would have felt guilty leaving Anakin when she left the Jedi Order. Did she feel responsible for what became of him? Did she feel like if she stuck around, none of this would have happened? Yes, I absolutely think she felt that way. And while she is absolutely not to blame, I do think her leaving the Jedi Order was part of Anakin’s path to the Dark Side. I read this article once before I even watched Clone Wars and it talked about how the show pointed out the flaws in the Jedi Order, and that Barriss Offee wasn’t entirely wrong to say that the Jedi Order was corrupt (though she was entirely wrong to frame Ahsoka so carelessly, so viciously done with ease). When Ahsoka was walking away from the Jedi Temple, Anakin admitted he thought about leaving the Order as well. Ahsoka knew he understood how she felt, and even that shows their beautiful bond as Padawan and Master, even more so as Brother and Sister. And my tear ducts were once again activated when they were dueling, and Ahsoka tells Vader “I won’t leave you…not this time,”, confirming that she definitely felt guilty and was even trying to make things right. Unfortunately, at this point, we know that’s not possible. Even Dave Filoni has said in recent interviews that Vader is the most affected by the presence of Luke. And that’s fine! It just adds to the tragedy of what Anakin Skywalker became, and how heartbreaking it must be for Ahsoka to see her dearest friend become the biggest monster in the galaxy and want to help, but she may have come to the realization that she cannot fix him in the hardest way.

Aside from the heart-wrenching drama between former master and apprentice, that episode was crazy all around! Darth Maul, or rather, just Maul now, has returned!! And naturally, he’s causing our gang of Rebels lots of trouble! First, it both disturbed me and yet still amused me to see him imitate Yoda’s introduction from Empire Strikes Back, appearing as a helpless old man with a cane telling Ezra to put away his weapon, that he means no harm. LIES! It was also heartbreaking to see him blind Kanan, but then honestly, it was so cool to see Kanan fight back, using the Force more than ever before to help guide him. Also, small thing…but I kinda liked that Maul referred to Ahsoka as “Lady Tano”. Maul is still powerful, still evil, still badass and scary. I’m excited for more Maul in the next season!

And, let’s just take a look at this again….it is now up there with Finn’s bloody stormtrooper helmet in my all time favorite powerful Star Wars images/moments:

when Ahsoka broke through the helmet

Look at that and just try telling me it doesn’t give you the chills and make you want to cry.

But also, I have to show you this thing I found on Pinterest a while ago, hitting me right in the feels because of not only Ahsoka and Anakin, but also because it’s quoting one of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs:

fall out boy and star wars feels

And I don’t care what anyone else says, AHSOKA LIVES!!