“I read the news today, oh boy…”
I’m absolutely devastated. Carrie Fisher passed away today after suffering a heart attack on a plane last week. I’m honestly heartbroken. I don’t even know what to say…I wasn’t expecting to have to say goodbye to another one of my idols this year. A woman I’ve admired all of my life; when I was little, for her various roles (of course Star Wars but also others like the less appreciated classic The Burbs), and as I’ve been an adult struggling with mental illness, she’s become even more of an inspiration to me as she’s been so open with her own struggles. I adore this woman, I always have, and I always will. This year has honestly been terrible, from my beloved David Bowie, to Gene Wilder, Prince, George Michael, (among many others, I know I’ve discussed those as well) and now Carrie Fisher. Also, the tragedy that was this year’s presidential election…I’m devastated. I’ve never witnessed such an awful year in my young life. There’s been some excellent films, like Star Trek Beyond and Rogue One, and I finally got out a new job that isn’t retail that I like so far…so it’s not completely hopeless. But I’m still devastated by the election and all of the bigotry and hate that apparently still thrives in my country. And now, I’ve lost my Princess Leia, my General. We all have. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only fan who has sobbed over the loss of this beautiful star, with all of the outpouring on social media I’ve seen today.
What’s even worse? I could have met her back in August at Wizard World Comic Con in Chicago. I was fortunate enough to get a seat during her panel and hear her speak while being in the same room with her, and I was maybe just like 5 feet away from her when she was doing autographs and pictures with other fans. I only didn’t choose to meet her at the time because I was trying to be financially responsible and not add to the credit card debt I had accumulated at the time. I have learned my lesson; I would really rather be poor for a little bit than miss out on what would turn out to be the only opportunity I would have to meet one of my lifelong idols. I still donned a Princess Leia-inspired outfit (dress by Her Universe, of course), and I was hoping she would notice me while signing autographs and posing for pictures, but she was too busy (which is fine. I wouldn’t want her to neglect her other fans). Not buying a photo op with her will forever be my greatest regret in life.
I’ve been so busy with my old job, my new job, and holiday shopping and festivities, I haven’t even been able to talk about how much I loved Rogue One. And…SPOILERS AHEAD!!
I was crying at the end of the movie because of all of the tragic events, and then I was crying happy tears and jumping in my seat because the movie ended with Princess Leia receiving the plans to the Death Star, and even though it was slightly odd because it was a CGI Carrie Fisher, I still cried at the sight of her. Also, I’m so glad they didn’t just cast another actress for that moment; I know Carrie Fisher wouldn’t have been too happy about that. At that panel back in August, someone mentioned the new Han Solo movie and asked if she would like to see a similar movie for Princess Leia, and she seemed to hate that idea because she is the only rightful Princess Leia. And damn straight, she is. I have been wanting to go see Rogue One again because apparently I missed all of the Star Wars rebels Easter eggs/references, so I need to watch it again and take a closer look. Now, I’m just going to be sobbing even more when that very last scene comes up.
Let’s take a moment and just enjoy a snippet of my Leia collection:
Picked this up at Wizard World by Bianca Roman-Stumpff.
Only one out of my three Star Wars blankets…have you ever seen such a lovely blanket? I just haven’t put this Leia mermaid by Aleigh Watford up yet because she’s part of a mermaid art collection I’m working on.
And let’s also just admire her:
Also, we need to talk about how Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher passed away the same year….Princess Leia is going up to Heaven to be with her little messenger, R2-D2. One of my other Star Wars idols, Ashley Eckstein, posted this on her social media pages:
Wait…admire her some more, and this time, smile:
Okay, she’s not saying this line at this exact moment, but I love in The Burbs when she says to Ray (played by my also beloved Tom Hanks) “you were up at the crack of dawn watching a dog poop.”
I could go all day….I’ll stop now. But it’s so sad. What makes me the saddest is that I truly believed she would be okay, that she was going to pull through just fine. I foolishly thought this year couldn’t get any worse. This is how I feel about this year:
Nobody was ready for you to leave, General…
“And the stars look very different today…”