“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope,”

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These iconic words of our beloved Princess Leia are forty years old today. On this day in 1977, George Lucas gave the world Star Wars, now dubbed A New Hope. I know, I’m only 24, I haven’t been enjoying Star Wars for 40 years..but I have enjoyed it pretty much my whole life. Being introduced to this beautiful space fantasy is actually one of my earliest memories; I remember being on the phone with my aunt Adelaida, and she was describing the cover of the VHS tape she had just bought me. “It has Darth Vader’s face, which is all black and shiny,”. I was so excited. And this was 1995…I was just 3 years old and had no idea who or what Darth Vader was, but I believe the excitement in my aunt’s voice is what made me so excited. I don’t think I necessarily made this conclusion back then, but I think it must have been meant a lot to her to share this with me. A movie that she saw at least 17 times in theaters (she would often say 100 but who knows), a series that she’s adored so much…I think it was important for her to share it with me. Looking back on it now, she must have been so elated when I first watched the movie and loved it.  And I’m forever grateful for her introducing me to this world that I so adore, that I’ve loved all of my life, that inspires me and soothes me daily. And of course I still have the VHS with Vader’s “all black and shiny” face:

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And I’m pretty sure she bought me the other two, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, either at the same time or shortly after, and I loved those two dearly as well…actually, it was Return of the Jedi that was constantly in my VHS player; it’s always been my favorite.

Alas, today is about 40 years of A New Hope! Again, I can’t really attest to those 40 years, but during my personal lifetime, Star Wars has always been there. From crushing on the beautiful Luke Skywalker played by Mark Hamill, to also crushing on his father, Anakin, played by Hayden Christiansen…to Diego Luna and Oscar Isaac, the first Latino men to lead in Star Wars. To the women I idolize, starting with the late Carrie Fisher, to her mother played by Natalie Portman, and to my current baes, Rey and Jyn Erso played by Daisy Ridley and Felicity Jones, respectively. I adore so many of the characters and relationships this saga has given us, and I’ve always loved them above everything else. I appreciate lightsaber battles and spaceships more now, but as a kid, the battles didn’t really excite me (because obviously I was a stupid child). But really, it was always Luke and Leia that cemented my attachment to these stories.

The only thing that’s really changed about my love of Star Wars is how I’ve been able to express it. When I was a kid, there weren’t many other kids I got to talk about it with. As the years went on,  I was ridiculed by my peers for loving it and letting it show. First, I believe, it was for wearing the beautiful watches that Burger King sold at the time of the theatrical release of Revenge of the Sith, the final prequel/what we all thought at the time would be the last Star Wars film we would ever receive. They were all double-sided and just the greatest watches ever. My favorite was the Darth Maul side of the Phantom Menace watch.

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I mean, it probably didn’t help that some days, I would wear all six watches at once on my tiny 13-year old arms, but still…no regrets.

The other item was a black t-shirt from Hot Topic with the beautiful Hayden Christiansen as Anakin Skywalker on it…I miss that shirt. Sadly, it is long gone…it didn’t fit me anymore anyway.

And yet, with my massive love for Star Wars, that was all I really ever had, aside from a t-shirt or two from the little boys section when I was little. It’s been amazing to see Star Wars fashion grow over the years, particularly for women, and while some people (like my parents) might think I have gone overboard with all of my t-shirts, sweaters, dresses, skirts, jewelry, etc….I don’t care, I’m just happy that all of these fabulous apparel has been available to me and I can’t help but buy so much even when I’ve probably already made up for lost time (when no such amazing things were available)  And I don’t care if you don’t like that I love Star Wars so much…I’m not that shy and vulnerable child anymore. I wear my love and express every way I can and want to. But back to the fabulous galactic wardrobe I have now…this is from under a year ago but it doesn’t reflect even my current collection, but just to give you an idea about how much Star Wars fashion I’ve acquired over the last few years or so:

If I had to guess without actually going through my closets right now, I’d say my collection has AT LEAST definitely doubled.

Guys, it’s not my fault…I just love this series and the characters so much and I love to express it!

Also I love dressing up as the characters, naturally…here is me as the ultimate rebel princess a few Halloweens ago:

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I think that’s just a testimony to how meaningful this franchise is; I’m dressing up as a character that I was introduced to when I was 3 years old in my adulthood, and I definitely plan on continuing to do so (whether it be at comic conventions, Halloween parties, or even just random days where I want to feel regal yet super badass and fabulous).

Happy 40th Anniversary, Star Wars!! May you continue to inspire all generations to come!

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“To me, she’s royalty.”

“I read the news today, oh boy…”

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I’m absolutely devastated. Carrie Fisher passed away today after suffering a heart attack on a plane last week. I’m honestly heartbroken. I don’t even know what to say…I wasn’t expecting to have to say goodbye to another one of my idols this year. A woman I’ve admired all of my life; when I was little, for her various roles (of course Star Wars but also others like the less appreciated classic The Burbs), and as I’ve been an adult struggling with mental illness, she’s become even more of an inspiration to me as she’s been so open with her own struggles. I adore this woman, I always have, and I always will. This year has honestly been terrible, from my beloved David Bowie, to Gene Wilder, Prince, George Michael, (among many others, I know I’ve discussed those as well) and now Carrie Fisher. Also, the tragedy that was this year’s presidential election…I’m devastated. I’ve never witnessed such an awful year in my young life. There’s been some excellent films, like Star Trek Beyond and Rogue One, and I finally got out a new job that isn’t retail that I like so far…so it’s not completely hopeless. But I’m still devastated by the election and all of the bigotry and hate that apparently still thrives in my country. And now, I’ve lost my Princess Leia, my General. We all have. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only fan who has sobbed over the loss of this beautiful star, with all of the outpouring on social media I’ve seen today.

What’s even worse? I could have met her back in August at Wizard World Comic Con in Chicago. I was fortunate enough to get a seat during her panel and hear her speak while being in the same room with her, and I was maybe just like 5 feet away from her when she was doing autographs and pictures with other fans. I only didn’t choose to meet her at the time because I was trying to be financially responsible and not add to the credit card debt I had accumulated at the time. I have learned my lesson; I would really rather be poor for a little bit than miss out on what would turn out to be the only opportunity I would have to meet one of my lifelong idols. I still donned a Princess Leia-inspired outfit (dress by Her Universe, of course), and I was hoping she would notice me while signing autographs and posing for pictures, but she was too busy (which is fine. I wouldn’t want her to neglect her other fans). Not buying a photo op with her will forever be my greatest regret in life.

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I’ve been so busy with my old job, my new job, and holiday shopping and festivities, I haven’t even been able to talk about how much I loved Rogue One. And…SPOILERS AHEAD!!

I was crying at the end of the movie because of all of the tragic events, and then I was crying happy tears and jumping in my seat because the movie ended with Princess Leia receiving the plans to the Death Star, and even though it was slightly odd because it was a CGI Carrie Fisher, I still cried at the sight of her. Also, I’m so glad they didn’t just cast another actress for that moment; I know Carrie Fisher wouldn’t have been too happy about that. At that panel back in August, someone mentioned the new Han Solo movie and asked if she would like to see a similar movie for Princess Leia, and she seemed to hate that idea because she is the only rightful Princess Leia. And damn straight, she is. I have been wanting to go see Rogue One again because apparently I missed all of the Star Wars rebels Easter eggs/references, so I need to watch it again and take a closer look. Now, I’m just going to be sobbing even more when that very last scene comes up.

Let’s take a moment and just enjoy a snippet of my Leia collection:

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Picked this up at Wizard World by Bianca Roman-Stumpff.

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Only one out of my three Star Wars blankets…have you ever seen such a lovely blanket? I just haven’t put this Leia mermaid by Aleigh Watford up yet because she’s part of a mermaid art collection I’m working on.

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And let’s also just admire her:

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She seems like that super fun and playful youthful friend:

Princess Leia “Carrie Fisher”,C3PO “Anthony Daniels” Empire Strikes Back…:

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Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill | Rare and beautiful celebrity photos:

On Nov. 13, 1978, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher were taking a break from filming “The Star Wars Holiday Special” when a news wire photographer caught this cute moment.:

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Harrison Ford, David Prowse, Carrie Fisher, Peter Mayhew, Mark Hamill and Kenny Baker:

Also, we need to talk about how Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher passed away the same year….Princess Leia is going up to Heaven to be with her little messenger, R2-D2.  One of my other Star Wars idols, Ashley Eckstein, posted this on her social media pages:

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Wait…admire her some more, and this time, smile:

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Okay, she’s not saying this line at this exact moment, but I love in The Burbs when she says to Ray (played by my also beloved Tom Hanks) “you were up at the crack of dawn watching a dog poop.”

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I could go all day….I’ll stop now. But it’s so sad. What makes me the saddest is that I truly believed she would be okay, that she was going to pull through just fine. I foolishly thought this year couldn’t get any worse. This is how I feel about this year:

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Nobody was ready for you to leave, General…

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“And the stars look very different today…”